*Lost Coin Class Notes* *September 30, 2008*

Tonight Daniel wants to talk about "the traveler" and Cindy will talk about the Enneagram.

Side note:  DS cares more about how we do things than what we know.

*Being a Traveler*

We are just passing through.  There's a difference between understanding that intellectually and really feeling it.  When you really *feel* it, it should change all your actions; your actions will have more power, and you'll be happier.  (But there is a bittersweet component:  everyone you know will die before or after you, everything changes, no one will become better looking or more fit, etc.)

Shakyamuni Buddha talked about *dukkha* (Pali; Sanskrit is *duhkha*)?this refers to being stuck in a certain way.  But in the Judeo-Christian interpretation of the idea, dukkha became "attachment"?we tend to think of it as attachment to sex, money, objects.  Dukkha doesn't mean that.  Liking any of those things won't hurt your development at all.

DS's best interpretation of dukkha is *dissatisfaction*?at any moment, we want our lives to be different, and we believe that if we can just change X or Y things will be better.  But then we find that this is simply not true. Things like sex, money, objects can make your life better, but they won't solve anything.

The problem is accepting that everything changes, we'll only be here for a while, and it doesn't get much better than this.  (So take what you've got and be happy.)

There's no solution, and we're just passing through.

These three things?everything changes; we're just passing through; and it doesn't get better than this, right now?should be enough on their own to knock us out of our habitual processes.  But when you add sitting, which is a physical slowing down that makes us more in the present, we're even better able to break our conditioned responses.

The heart of the practice is to be free?not even to be happy, although they do go together.  Free from what?  From our own patterns, thinking that something around the corner will make things will be better.  When you're free of those beliefs, then things will be better.

*We* are what makes life so unpleasant at times.  Gurdjieff used to say that his greatest struggle was (in essence) putting up with his students.  DS feels lucky; he doesn't feel that with us.  We should be lucky too, and treat each other like we treat Doen.

Our work is to be nice.  Don't start as high as "unlimited compassion"?just be nice.  Even that is a second step?first, you have to entertain the idea of liking people.  Do it in the world, but start right here, in our Sangha. A very important part of our practice is to make our members feel welcome, that they're supported, etc.

Daido would always walk around the monastery saying "be nice, Daniel," "be nice, so-and-so."

If you don't like people, you can't act in a way that will help your or others' development.  We're raised not to like people, to distrust and be suspicious of others (even though they don't really care).  The first step is just to like people.

In the Fourth Way, there's the idea that you like people, the emotion of liking people, and the physical aspect of liking people.  The physical aspect is perhaps the most profound, and also is hard to describe.  When you have it, you feel relaxed, you feel glad that those people are there.

All literature, movies, etc. are about going somewhere and once you get there, you're happy.  It's just not true.

We're just passing through.  You can do anything.  No one cares.  Be happy. Be free.

Question:  one precept is to see the perfection in others.  Any tips for that?

DS said he doesn't intellectualize it, but after many years he's just found that if he likes others, they like him too.  And he's seen that it's like a high school dance, where everyone's waiting to be asked to dance.  If you dance with them, they'll dance with you.

Another precept is not to believe that any type of human being is better than any other type.  Don't wish for someone to change; don't try to change them.  For example, one student is more yang, and the other is more yin.  Daniel tries to encourage them to be more yin or yang according to circumstance, but not to change their essential natures.  (As a teacher, you have to have an open heart and accept people for what they are on a profound level.)

One tip for those who have built up armor:  follow the advice of dentists everywhere?open wide!  Let down your guard; soften.

Don't wait to get happy tomorrow.  From this ground, we can make a really strong practice.

Also, don't try to teach people?they hate it.  Have a good sense of humor.  Don't blame people; it's not their fault if you're unhappy, and it's not their job to make you happy.  (If the one you're in an intimate relationship with makes you so unhappy, *why* are you with them?)  Remember that first impressions are very easy to change.  DS recounted Gurdjieff's advice about relationships:  start with a plant.  Water it every day, take good care of it ? only then should you move up to a pet, and then humans.

This Sangha is our lab.  See how open you can be here and check out how you are with other people.

*The Enneagram*

The Enneagram is a study of types of human beings, relationships between the types, and growth.  When you use it, always remember that 90% of it should be about yourself; don't try to use it to limit others.

In the Fourth Way, one way to study the self is to look at ourselves as having three centers:  the intellectual (understanding, words, calculation), the emotional (feelings, interactions), and the physical (moving, the body, repetition).

What drew DS to Maezumi Roshi and Dave Daniels wasn't their intellect, but rather their emotional center.

Cindy Marteney talked about the Enneagram and specifically how the different types solve conflict.  (Note:  this part went so quickly that I wasn't able to keep up with all the details.)  She said for more information, one could read Karen Horney.

There are generally three types of ways that people solve conflict:

   - Positive outlook (2, 7, 9):  reframing, saying it's really not that bad

   - Competency (1, 3, 5):  let's figure this out, let's put our heads together

   - Reactive (4, 6, 8):  also called the "emotional realness" tribe?we have to talk about this!!  We have to deal with this!

Note:  these aren't "good" or "bad" ways to solve conflict?they're our * favorite* ways.  But we need to be adaptive, and also to recognize that we go up and down on our levels of development (depending, for example, on whether we're feeling stressed, really happy, etc.)

Positive outlook types reframe and say things like we're on the same team, we have the same goals, we have a lot to salvage here.  On higher levels, this can be team-building; on lower levels, it can lead to people ignoring reality.

Competency types say things like let's be reasonable, objective, keep our heads, it's not personal, let's solve this problem.  At the higher levels, this leads to clarity; it can descend to a contraction around rules and structure.

Reactive or intensity types say things like you don't care, you don't know how it is.  At higher levels, this can lead to a real sincerity to work through issues; at lower levels, it isn't about resolving conflict but about discharging energy that's built up in the system.

Cindy then talked about several examples of different types working through conflicts.  It's best if people can move towards each other, rather than insist that the other one move to their preferred style of conflict resolution.  Be conscious, and try to meet part way?get what you want, don't be right.

If you're not sure what Enneagram type you are, look at how you react under conflict.

DS commented on this:  We do have a style when we're in conflict.  We generally do our analysis by self-observation, but if you check out the Enneagram you might find patterns that will show you more about your conditioned reactions.  The idea that we don't always have to react in the same way?that we can adjust our approach based on circumstance?is also helpful.

*Back to The Traveler*

Two main points:

   1. You're a traveler; you're just passing through.

   2. You're an orphan; you're by yourself.  (This doesn't mean no    relationships, and it's not literal?it applies even if you still have parents.)

Please *feel* these two points.  If you can accept them, it will dispel a lot of negativity and you can reclaim a certain kind of power.  The Sufis called this power *baraka* ("blessing").  It's personal energy that's lost in the pettiness of thinking things are important that can't possibly be important to a person who's just passing through.  (Castaneda talks about this kind of power, too.)

To someone who's just passing through, what's important is:  what am I doing *now*?  What am I doing *today*?

You could say there's nothing important to get bent out of shape about?the only thing to get bent about would be wasting the one-way train ticket that got you to this life.

The saddest thing imaginable is dying and wishing you hadn't lived.

Practice and being alive are *the same thing*.  The only life you can be at one with (which is enlightenment) is this life.

There's kensho (seeing there's only one mind and it encompasses everything), daikensho (when you can recall that state of one-ness at will), and a third stage (satori?) where you realize there's no difference between your life and realization, so what is there to realize about your life?

Just be with your life, and appreciate it, and enjoy it.

DS talked about an acid trip, back when it was legal, and his feeling afterward that life is the strangest trip of all.  When you drop acid or eat peyote, you don't die?but in life, you die.  Therefore life's a complete mystery, and you don't have time for blame, etc.

If you can *really* know this, it's the essence of Buddhism:  the transitory nature of all things.  Then you can really claim your power.  You're like a
song:  your only job is to be the song.